The Facebook Status generator is pretty spot on.
What a novel idea. Also the FUCKING REASON TWITTER WAS INVENTED.
Oh, fuck, three houses over? OLD MAN FLENDERBERG?!
Yeah, they do! Ha ha. High five!
Everyone is setting up their new 5S’s and she feels left out
"I can’t figure out this voter registration shit! Get Monica Lewinsky and that black kid over here to show me how this shit works."
"My ‘Jobs Plan’ is you’re fucking fired, Emilio, for forcing me to wear these safety goggles in a Costco."
Sounds like we’ve got ourselves a party going on.
"These garlics have been handed down through generations of my family!"